drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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