If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
