Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
