Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
