who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
