i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
