Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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