she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
