they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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