Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
