u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
