Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
