my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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