people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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