Umm I'm too high to move.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
