you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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