Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
