Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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