i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
