it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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