There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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