I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
