I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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