We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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