No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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