meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
