I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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