I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
