My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
