Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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