Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
