Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
