your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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