Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
