I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
