mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
