wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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