How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
