I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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