Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
