Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
