Just fell off a train. Bad.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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