dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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