that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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