I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
