last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
