New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
