When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
