I am spending my child support on dildos
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
