well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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