had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
