I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
