Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
