she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My feet surprised me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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