I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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