is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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