She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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