so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
