we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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