Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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