were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I pour the whiskey from now on
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize