Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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