Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
