in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
