i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
