I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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