just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
