Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
