You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
