sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
