Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
