You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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