...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
