I cockslap morals
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
then he tried to convert me to islam
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
